Once Upon a Time (a Man Called Ranjit)

As written by a keen observer of Ranjit Fernando put it with a humorous touch...

Once upon a time there lived a man called Ranjit Fernando in sunny Sri Lanka, a land of milk and honey often referred to as Paradise, previously known to the Colonial British rulers as Ceylon.

This man was “no mug with the ball or bat”, having kept wickets and opening the batting for St. Benedict’s College in Kotahena. It was “never going to be an easy proposition” selecting him to play for the national team since ijn comparison to the rest of the contenders at that time his cricketing ability was “nothing to write home about”.

However, the man was “gathering impetus” in the local cricket scene playing and excelling in club cricket during the P Sara Trophy season every year. Finally, he came out with a surge, “Breaking the shackles”, and ended up as a commentator for World Cup and ICC Cricket matches across the globe. A great achievement for Sri Lanka, no doubt, but not a very pretty predicament to all the millions of TV listeners across the planet.

Although one could easily claim that his style of patter was a “trifle short” of what was needed to be able to deliver the state of the game across the airwaves, he still kept on “fluttering away” under the tragic assumption that he was still an “experienced campaigner” who was willing to exercise a “valiant effort” in carrying out his tasks effectively.

While we are all aware that he is trying his best to “maintain his composure” in order to be able to “marshall his troops” it is sad to note that he always ends up as a terrible “tormentor” to the ears of the peasant public who make every attempt to try and get a glimpse of the game and find out what’s really going on in the middle.

It may be said that he is not one of those whose “pitch has good carry” he surely does put us common people into some very hot “pressure cooker situations” most of the time.

I guess one can say that he is a “sort of” a cool character in his own way and his lovely wife seems to think that he should spend more time in the garden where he is supposed to be one of those who can really “sweep, and sweep well” too.Since he does wear spectacles it is not unusual for him to have misread a stunning bowled dismissal for a cracking boundary through point, no doubt. We cannot be unfair on ageing men no? After all the man must now be in his mid sixties, I believe?

So now that Ramani too has entered the fray of bashing the poor fellow lets hope that things wont get out of hand when he returns home to stay? We hope, at least, that he will not have to sleep on the couch downstairs? That would be cruel aney! Ehema kiyanna epa...paw ne?

We just want them to live happily ever after!

Ramani Writes to RFS

Email sent to RFS. Of course, don't believe that this is the real Ramani. Yet, it's funny.

Ok, guys listen up. This is Ramani Fernando, Ranjith's wife. I have been using funds from my private salon to bribe Ten Sports, ESPN and Star Sports to keep the old man employed and as far away from me aspossible. If you guys ruin this by making a big deal of the obvious, I will have to put up with bigmouth at home. You know even at home he just keeps blabbering the obvious agreeing to every Tom, Dick and Sarath. And if unsupervised for a moment he manages to ruin business by suggesting to ourfriends "One might expect a haircut if one visits my wife's salon" - even scared the hell out of old Malinga who bolted to Panadura and found a new hair-dresser!

So lets keep this under wraps and not make too much noise, ok?

RFS Next Step

I started this blog soon after Ranjit Fernando's rampage during the last over of the SL v ENG match. The amount of feedback and emails I have received since then have only proven that I'm not an anomaly in the cricketing audience that the ICC, ESPN-Star, WSG Nimbus, etc etc pay millions of dollars to try and reach.

A few also raised the issue of the 'so what' factor about this blog. I have a few ideas in mind at this time and expect to publish it during early next week. Suffice to say for now that it involves a few calls, faxes and emails from the visitors to this blog. Willing to take part? Please leave a comment saying so -- it should give a good feel as to how strong a message we can get across.

So that's a preview of what's to come in the near future... stay tuned.

Thanks,
RFS Admin

Arjuna Doing a Ranjit Fernando?

I've received a few emails about Arjuna doing a Ranjit Fernando on Sony (I believe) agreeing with Ian Chappel about investigating SLC for the team selections for the match against Aus.

Although this is off the topic of this blog, I'll just leave this post if anyone wishes to add any comments. My take on Arjuna is that he's lost his way mixing cricket & politics. I believe he's just bitter that he's not involved in the administration of the game in spite of "his" government being in power. Good captain who took SLC to great heights no doubt -- and I extend all my gratitude and respect for that. But time's are different now: the team is professional, equal players with even Marvan Atapattu / Vass / Murali taking turns carrying drinks to the field.

Fan Mail: An Open Letter to Ranjit Fernando

Folks, I reproduce here an email I received. Appreciate the mail, RL.

I cannot agree more with some of the comments made by so many people. I firmly believe that Ranjit Fernando has been offered Permanent Residency Status by the Aussies & the English cos his comments are so anti Sri Lankan specially when our boys are at play. he is not only the worst commentator that is in the business, he is so supportive towards the Opposition. but did you Guys notice something very Unique. he is very supportive towards the other side when they are of the so called "Master Race" ( when the opposition is White) when we play Bangladesh he is not so Bad. so it ts clear that he is either dreaming of getting the Citizenship of one these white playing nations or he's already bagged the PR status.

One might get the feeling that Ranjit is either British or Ausssie by birth. One might also think that all Sri Lankan's are of the same Mould as RF....or perhaps One could observe that Ranjit has no Cricketing Sense as he keeps repeating the words of his fellow commentator each time he is close to the Microphone......or wait....this is the best one.....

ONE MIGHT FEEL ( ACTUALLY LET ME REPHRASE THAT ) MILLIONS OF SL VIEWERS might FEEL THAT RF SHOULD GO OFF ON AIR COS HE IS NOT ONLY AN EMBARASSMENT TO BE REPRESENTING OUR COUNTRY WHEN PEOPLE LIKE SANGAKKARA & MADUGALLE SHINES IN THE ICC CIRCUIT, HE CONTINUES TO DEVALUE OUR PLAYERS EFFORTS ( specially when they are upagainst white opposition ) AND PUT ON HIS CORNY ACCENT TO STATE THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS THAT MY 8 YEAR OLD SON CAN UNDERSTAND.

so in conclusion..........CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME LIKE I AM A 2 YEAR OLD......WHAT ON GOD'S EARTH OUR AUTHORITIES DOING BY SENDING A JACK ASS M.....F..... LIKE RANJIT TO EXPRESS HIS 2 CENTS WORTH TO MILLIONS OF VIEWERS WHO UNDERSTAND VERY WELL THE BASIC'S OF CRICKET.

RANJIT....IF YOU EVER GET TO READ THIS....i actually hate to criticize people because at the end of the day we are all Human and i probably have more weeknesses in me than anybody else. but you are a disgrace to SL. whether you doing this on purpose ( with a Ulterior Mortive - hoping to get a PR status or some shit like that ) is anybody's guess. but if you are not and this is as good as you can get....then please be a MAN enough to step down and let someone with above average Intelligence & a Good Cricketing sense ( and obviously someone with a Love for our Country ) take over. or else ONE MIGHT GET THE FEELING that enough is enough and some shit can happen to you..you know......like "Manual Strangulation while on Air" . one of your fellow commentators might even do the Honors.

GET A LIFE RANJIT...AND GET IT FAST.....COS YOU SUCK !!!!!!

Ranjit Fernando Favorites (updated)

Some favorite phrases by our favorite commentator, updated to include some feedback. If you have any more, please post as a comment or email...

• Breaking the shackles
• Trifle short
• No mug with the ball / bat
• Never going to be an easy proposition
• Sweeps, and sweeps well
• Fluttering away
• Experienced campaigner
• Tormentor
• Marshalled his troops
• Nothing to write home about
• Maintaining his composure
• Valiant effort
• Pitch has good carry
• This is a pressure-cooker situation

Girls in the Cricket Team?

Why is it that Ranjit Fernando keeps referring to some of the guys in the female version of their names?

Dilhara pronounced as Dil-ha-raa
Tharanga pronounced as Tha-run-gaa